Withering Lilies
by Socrates7727
Summary: Written for the IWSC Round Nine! Not at all what I usually write (pro-Snape) but enjoy! Tragic/sad ending, Snape/Lily angst, you have been warned.


AN I do not own HP or any of the characters! Warning to my usual readers this is not at all like what I usually write! Written to the favorite characters and genres of my teammate for the IWSC!

* * *

Story Title: Withering Lilies

School: Mahoutokoro

Theme: Orion

Secondary theme (Writing for Year 5): Severus Snape [Main Character], Romance [Genre], Tragedy [Genre]

Main Prompt: [Action] star gazing

Other Prompts: [Setting] Astronomy Tower, [Action] Begging

Year: Four

Wordcount: 2165

* * *

What had he done? Even now, the betrayal in her expression was burned into the back of his eyelids. _I don't want your help! You filthy little mudblood!_ Why had he said that? Anger still coiled in his gut, remembering the situation, and his hand itched to reach for his wand, but he held back. This wasn't about Potter and his little band of misfits.

"Lily!" She whirled around, but Severus didn't need to see the anger in her eyes to know it was there.

"Oh, you can talk to me now? You sure I won't make you look bad?" That stung, even if he deserved it, but he'd been preparing himself the entire way here to deal with her insults, so he just took a deep breath.

"Lily, I'm sorry! Please, I can explain!" That, evidently, was the wrong thing to say. Lily advanced on him, hand already on her wand, and she looked angry enough to kill.

"Can you, Severus? Can you explain those books I always see you reading or why you're suddenly friends with _Malfoy_? Can you explain where you're always going off to at night or why I'm just another _mudblood_ now? Because you're hiding things from me—I know you are." Of course. It always came back to the Dark Arts. They'd fought about this exact issue at least ten times over the last two years, but Lily refused to understand. They were—all of them—walking into the war blind. One side was armed with fire and was preparing to watch them burn, but the 'good' side was standing there with buckets of water, ready to throw and acting as if that would do the same amount of damage. As if that would let them win… Defense never won.

"I'll tell you, I swear, Lily, just give me a chance. Hear me out and I promise I can explain everything, okay? Just one chance!" He knew Lily. He knew her habits and her quirks, he knew her expressions and her loyalty. She was the kind of girl most people only dreamed of meeting—strong, loyal, kind… He knew her well enough to guess how she would react. And, sure enough, Lily Evans, the girl who never gave up on anyone that she cared about, caved.

"One chance." Thank Merlin. Even just looking at her now, the Gryffindor's face had begun to soften into that familiar look of pity, or maybe sympathy. She'd been looking at him like that a lot recently…

"Thank you! Meet me in the Astronomy Tower after dinner?" She nodded. "Thank you, Lily, I swear I can explain, I just—"

"Hey, Evans, what's up? You got a second to chat about the Quidditch lineup for our next game?" Perfect Potter with his perfect timing. Severus reached for his wand without even thinking and clenched his free hand into a fist. Would it really be that bad to hex the git?

"We're having a conversation, Potter, so bugger off." But Lily's eyes darted down to his side and saw the grip he had on his wand. She turned on him and cocked her head, analyzing and still very much pissed off, but she seemed to find what she was looking for. Merlin… That glare could melt stone.

"Actually, _James_, I have a few minutes before my next class. What were you planning?" He knew she was doing it just to piss him off, but still… It stung. The first name felt like poison under his skin and, just for a second, he had to restrain himself from grabbing at her sleeve. She didn't have to stay, of course, as long as she didn't leave with Perfect Bloody Potter. But by the time he'd even processed the thought, Lily was halfway down the corridor and walking in step with the Gryffindor boy.

* * *

"Slughorn wants to see you, first thing after classes today." Severus recognized the code and swore under his breath, but Lucius didn't seem to notice or care.

"How long is it going to take?" Please, let it be done before dinner… The second he voiced the question, though, hard steel eyes turned on him and narrowed. He knew that look. It was rare for Lucius to appear or act like anything other than a rich, whiny, daddy's boy—because that was what he was—but whenever the subject of their tasks came up, he somehow transformed into a soldier. Maybe being close to the Dark Lord had that effect on people.

"It will take as long as it takes, _Severus_. Unless you'd like to tell our lovely correspondents that you're just too busy to take time out of your day for their needs?" It wasn't a real threat—not from Lucius, anyways—but he didn't need it to be. He already knew there wasn't any choice or, Merlin forbid, _other priorities_ when it came to their task.

Bloody brilliant.

How was he supposed to be in two places at once? Part of him hoped, of course, that their task wouldn't take that long, but a much larger part of him knew that it would. After the latest attack, messages were pouring in. There wouldn't be time, either, before dinner to explain or beg Lily to meet even an hour later and he was already on thin ice… He swore under his breath.

Halfway through Potions, Severus asked to go to the bathroom and stepped out into the hall, prepared to scribble and enchant a note to Lily. Or, at least, that's what he'd been hoping to do. Two steps outside the door, though, a hand grabbed him by the upper arm. The grip was tight and threatening in a way that he knew too well.

"Vanity, I don't have time right now—" A wand jabbed into his windpipe. Emma Vanity, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, wrestled him back into the nearest alcove with a hiss.

"You have time. Rumor has it that you're thinking of shirking off on rounds tonight. That true, Sevvy?" He glared, but couldn't do much with her wand at his throat.

"Of course not. I wouldn't—"

"Good," Again, she interrupted him. "The war is coming, Severus… Are you going to be on the side of the winners? Or the losers?" That threat wasn't lost on him. Even if they didn't fight, even if Hogwarts was safe, there were people outside its walls that weren't. Families, friends, even just people who were connected by association. People who could be spared because they had someone pleading for their life on the inside—someone who had earned the right to choose a survivor. People who were in danger... People like Lily...

"The winners, Vanity. I wasn't going to skip rounds, I just wish he could give us a little more warning—"

"Glad to hear. You know how _touchy_ he gets when people don't take his assignments seriously." With that, she let go of his arm and headed off in the direction of the dungeons. Salazar Slytherin! One hint of displeasure and the group was already sending a seventh year to threaten him into behaving. He was finally alone, though, so he pulled out a scrap of parchment and—

"Unless you plan on relieving yourself in the hallway, Mr. Snape, I suggest you get back inside my classroom."

* * *

Severus sat at his table in the Room of Requirement. They were all crammed in there, frantically hunched over piles of parchment and books full of cipher spells. This was their claim to fame—a few desks, a lot of parchment, and some dusty old books about codes. Even as he sat there, pouring over his own pile of letters, he had to curse the idea.

The Double V. Voldemort's Voice, they called it, and yet, Severus had never felt more gagged in his life. It wasn't a complicated system. Most supporters of the Dark Lord couldn't communicate or associate with one another in public without raising suspicions at the Ministry, so they'd begun sending coded letters to their children at Hogwarts. The Double V received the letters, deciphered them, transcribed them into a new code, and sent them off with yet another student to their parents (the intended recipient) disguised as a casual letter. It was far from glorious or impressive, but the parents of those in the group constantly told them how important their work was. Communication was key, they said.

Except, with the recent attacks and the escalating general fear, letters were flooding in faster than they could subtly handle. Thus, they held emergency meetings, like this one. They sat there, staring and scribbling, for hours at a time, usually, and even just looking at this batch told Severus it was going to be a long night. The piles of envelopes stood taller than him.

They missed the entire afternoon, and then they missed dinner too because Greengrass had mistranscribed about twenty letters which all had to be found and fixed. Severus was definitely not at his peak performance, either, because the window clearly showed the sky getting dark and he couldn't help thinking about Lily, waiting for him in the Astronomy Tower. How long would she wait? There was no way for him to notify her or slip out early because Vanity was still breathing down his neck. For the millionth time that night, Severus found his eyes wandering towards the window.

The stars were beautiful. He couldn't help getting a bit existential with the observation and, though his hand kept writing, his mind drifted. People were like stars, he supposed. They both seemed so tame from afar but they were both huge masses that would burn you if you got too close to them. Stars were always so far away from each other, too, isolated by lightyears at a time, though they looked like they were right next to each other from the distorted perspective of humanity. People were like that… They always seemed so close, like they were part of the same constellation, at least, but in reality, they were thousands of miles apart.

Lily would be waiting for him now, for sure. He could picture her alone in the Astronomy Tower, her bright red hair and brilliant green eyes clashing against the dull, grey walls. She was reminiscent of a star in that way, he thought. She burned so brightly that everything and everyone around her faded into nothingness.

Finally, _finally_, they were done. It was long past the end of dinner but Severus couldn't help gathering his things and still running for the tower. It was stupid. She wouldn't be there, still, and he knew that but his legs carried him anyways. He ran, and he begged Merlin for a chance—just a chance—to salvage their friendship. Lily was the best thing in his life… If he could just apologize, if he could just explain, then—

She was there. It was impossible, and yet she was, just sitting there among the star charts and staring out the window. Was she thinking about the stars the way he had been? Unlikely, but right then, anything seemed possible. Just as he reached the top of the stairs, though, and moved towards the light of her lantern, a voice made him stop.

"Hey, Evans, what are you doing up here? It's almost curfew, don't you—" Lily turned, though, and Potter stopped short. Even Severus had to take a second because Lily was crying, clearly, and Merlin, that sight felt like a thousand knives in his chest.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. What's wrong? Are you waiting for a friend?" Wordlessly, her eyes darted towards the stairs and Severus felt his stomach flip because she _was_—she was waiting for _him_. But she swallowed hard and shook her head.

"No, I guess not." They weren't friends. He couldn't breathe and he wanted to throw up, but his feet were cemented to the floor. That face… That was the face that she'd never worn with him and he'd hoped she never would but… She'd given up. On them.  
"Hey, come on, I know where Remus keeps his chocolate and we can steal some candy from the Kitchens, yeah?" Lily nodded, eyes still on the stairs.

"Yeah, okay." She stood, wiping at her cheeks, but before Severus could even try to make his mouth scream she'd taken Potter's arm. There was no last look back, there was no sorrowful glance of regret, and there was no surprise twist. Severus stood there, utterly frozen, as tears streamed down his face.

For the second time that day, he watched his best friend—and the love of his life—walk away with Perfect Bloody Potter. Except this time, it wasn't because she was pissed or making a point. This time, it was far more permanent and all he could do was stand there, wallowing, because he'd done this to himself. He'd used up all his chances… Lily Evans, the girl who'd never given up on him, had become Lily Evans, the girl that he'd let down one too many times.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


End file.
